Baby's first celebrity feud

So I've decided I need a new "thing". My "things" don't tend to last long so don't worry too much about it but hear me out anyway. Imma start as many celebrity feuds as I can. Wait until TMZ gets this scoop!

Eric vs. Lyle Lovette and his Large Band


The other day I was merrily on my way to the bus stop so that I could get on said bus and go to my job and make money to feed my starving cat (on my side yet?) when to my horror I noticed that my bus stop and the entire block was taken up by four large semi-trucks and a couple of tour buses (I KNOW!). Come to find out ol' Lovette was playing over at Minglewood Hall. So not only would the bus not have seen me had I stood there but I doubt any of those roadies would've let me hide inside and touch stuff.

"What ever did you do you poor thing?". Well, I had to...brace yourselves...WALK TO THE NEXT BUS STOP!!!!! Sorry if anything is misspelled right now, I'm tearing up just thinking about it.

So Lyle, for making me take 10 extra steps and probably stepping in some stuff that I wouldn't have stepped in otherwise...you're going down.

I await my apology. And a belt buckle.

High School Revisted: The Initial Horror

Today, whilst perusing Facebook for the 20th time in a mere 5 minute span, I noticed a group was formed all about planning our ten year high school reunion. Now, I knew it was inevitable and deep down I really knew we were coming up on it but still my initial reaction was "Nuh uh, I just graduated".

So after that shock I immediately went into panic-mode. Even though, thanks to assholes like Facebook, everyone knows what's up with me anyway. So I'm compiling a list of things to get done before said reunion. Or else I'm sending someone in my place. WHICH I really think would be hilarious. Especially if I can talk Spencer Pratt into it...or Oprah (people believe anything she says).

So far, here is my list:
1) Go on a 5 month fast, like Jesus did.
2) Borrow a baby or two so I can fit in with over half the people there...like Jesus did.
3) Convince someone to pretend to be my wife
4) Convince a hot guy to pretend to be my "business partner" that I brought along just for the heck of it and have my "wife" be perfectly oblivious.
5) Sex change
6) Two sex changes
7) If the fast doesn't work I want to gain about 300lbs and be escorted in on a crane. Now THAT'S an entrance!

If all else fails I'll probably go, get really wasted, and not remember any of it. Oh man, I wish it was tomorrow!!!